i *heart* postsecret

Posted everyone Sunday (and sometimes earlier), PostSecret, oddly enough, often describes exactly my current feelings.

I found this postcard recently:

At first I thought damn, that's totally me.

Then, I realized - what if I was never actually in love. But I was instead in love with the idea of being in love. Of someone caring about me, supporting me, being a partner in life, something I didn't get. I sure loved the idea of it and tried damn hard to give it and get it.

make the drilling stop!

It's been an interesting few weeks and a bit. I went through a real angry period but I finally allowed myself to release it and not blame myself anymore.

So that being said I'm feeling way better and on a roll.

Except for today when I woke up with a migraine, went to work and stayed until 2:30 then came home and had a nap only to wake up to the neighbour drilling into the concrete walls. Luckily it was just the tail end of my migraine so I survived.

I've found lately that going to the gym is addicting. I have to work out nearly every day or at least get out of the house. It's good to have a focus and goals. Now I just have to work on the foodstuffs.

I've been rather social lately and I can't believe I stopped or slowed down with hanging with my friends when I was with someone. I must resolve to never allow hat to happen again. Ever.

Now, where did the sun go?

hold your tongue

There are a lot of really mean things that I could say right now cuz I am REALLY drunk, but I won't. Okay, most of the mean stuff is about the ex. But I have to be dignified, right?

Anyways, I was on the bus to and fro a friend's house today when the bus went by a gas station (the Mohawk on Clark/Como Lake) and I realized that when I was 18 my bf at the time and I were on our way to Whistler when he got a text message from someone. He ignored it and went in to pay for the gas. I, meanwhile, checked the text message and it was from his ex.

I have to ask myself. What the fuck is wrong with the guys I attract/am attracted to? Honestly? They need a do-over.

Lo-serrrrs.

My funny valentine

It's already the best Valentine's Day in about 2 years.

Last year was shit. Absolute shit. The year before that, well, interesting.

This year - I already got two packages of chocolate and a secret valentine in the mail today!

I was totally surprised!

No return address, no writing inside. I'll have to work on decyphering the hand-writing. I have a few ideas. I'm just curious about who actually knows the name of my apartment building......

The sleuthing begins....

Oh - here's the picture on the front of the card. Someone knows I like pink.

17 years

It was 17 years ago today that my Papa passed away.

Being the only grandchild that may really remember him is a little sad. Especially since I may be the only one to remember him before he had the stroke that would confine him to a wheelchair for the rest of his life.

I was also the only one of my siblings to attend his funeral. I was only 8 years old at the time and my siblings even younger. The day he passed away my family was just moving back to Vancouver after living in the Okanagan for 1.5 years. We missed seeing him by mere hours. It was a Saturday.

I remember arriving at my other grandparents' house and my mom getting a phone call. I just remember her face. I don't think she even said anything. She didn't need to.

We used to play the 6/49 together and I'd get to fill in the spaces, I'd ride with him in his wheelchair when at the mall and that he always had lifesavers, especially in the hospital: butterscotch.

So, Papa, today we think of you, and remember.

2 very happy stories today

I was so happy when I logged onto BBC this morning.

I always knew that there was a really good reason that I wore heels - apparently they can be good for your sex life! Personally, I don't really believe the science stuff but I definitely feel a hell of a lot sexier in heals.

Then, just five minutes ago I read that an Arrested Development movie has been approved! Now, I only started watching the show recently on CBC but I love it, I just wish they had never cancelled it. Maybe they'll make a triumphant comeback because it was/is a brilliant show.

Next topic/current thought on my mind: How some people that seem so critical and important to your life can simply disappear (and you may not even miss them). I know, I know. I'm being mean. But deal with it.

wanna know what's REALLY cool

Well, it certainly isn't finding pictures of your ex-boyfriend's CURRENT girlfriend on  your computer. Not Facebook, not online, no, ON MY OWN COMPUTER.

Downloaded from somewhere or someone (and of course not by me).

It makes me wonder a few things:

-Was there anything sparking between the two of them while we were still together?

-Is the reason I got NOTHING for our 1 year anniversary (okay, I got a card AFTER I told him I was upset) because he spent all his cash going out for drinks with her?

AND....through the power of our good friend Facebook - I can now tell them less than 3 weeks after we broke up, he was in a relationship with her.

Hmmmm - didn't I ask him on December 8th if he was seeing her and he said no? 

Yeah, all this on top of a cold/flu makes me feel fabulous. BUT, I know I made the right choice. She can find out what dating someone with no ambition and lots of debt and a porn collection that would shock Hugh Hefner.